Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
