kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
