I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
