i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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