Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Rumble strips road head = magical
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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