so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
