i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This house was built for laser tag.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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