When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
