I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
