i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
