You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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