So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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