What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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