the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
