How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
