Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I faked an abortion last night.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
