So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
