I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
