i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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