I faked an abortion last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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