Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
