At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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