Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
