i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
