That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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