Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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