the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
