I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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