We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
