I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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