She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
