I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I could fuck to npr.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
