there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
