Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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