GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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