True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
