Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
