she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
