I can tuck mytits in my pants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
