whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
