i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
