So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
