After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
