i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
