Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
