she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
In America we eat man semen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
