It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
