i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
