So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
