I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
