Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
