a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
